The Return of Peaches

“What are you going to do? Please don’t let him back in again. Remember what happened last time?” Rachel put down her wine glass and looked me in the eye, “Peaches is no good for you and you know it.”
I played with the base of my glass and looked away. “It would be rude not too accept his invitation.”
“Justify it how you want. We both know you’ll do whatever the hell you like even if it’s not the best thing for you. It’s how you play the game but don’t come crying back to me when Peaches does another disappearing act. You don’t half make your life complicated!” She shook her head and I stared at my feet. She’s right. Why am I even considering meetingup with him… again!

Peaches. Oh golly gosh, Peaches. Readers of my old blog will know the story well. Peaches is the man who has been on the scene for 3 years now. He was my rebound after my first break up. We met up a few times and then he went cold. I wasn’t too fussed as I was also seeing his colleague, Cream, at the same time. Since then Peaches and I have run into each other a few times and we always end up in bed together. It’s just what happens. We’re useless. One night I was out with my colleagues but ended up somehow in a cab back to his. It was a blatant booty call but neither of us really minded. But in October 2010, it all came to a very heart churning end. We’d met up and ended up sitting on his couch drinking deer and listening to music. We talked for hours rather than just ripping at each others clothes. We talked about family, friends and laughed at how we’d met and how things had evolved into this sort of messed up friendship/fuck buddy situation. He then dropped the bombshell, he was being sent abroad for work for 6 months. It’s funny how you don’t realise what you have until someone takes it away. The next morning we went our separate ways. We still sent the odd message but it was clear we shouldn’t meet up when he got back.

Fast-forward to March 2011 and Peaches was back in London. On a random night out I got a message from him. My heart sank. How could he do this to me? Why was he tormenting me? I replied but kept it very polite and neutral. I don’t think he quite realises the power he holds over me.

Fast-forward to September 2011 and once again, he reared his face and made his presence known. At this point I was in a relationship. I was in a good place (or so I thought.) I did the right thing and ignored him. I’m not into screwing people over who I care about.

Fast-forward to November 2011 and I ran into him at a bar. We both tried to ignore each other but how many awkward moments of eye contact can you let pass before you have to acknowledge someone’s existence.
“Miss. Grace. Are you ignoring me?” His voice was exactly as I remembered it.
“I’m not ignoring you. I’m just questioning if we should be seen talking together. People might get the wrong idea.” I was generally worried that one of my colleagues would get the wrong impression and go running back to my then boyfriend. They’re hardly men of discretion and love a bit of drama.
“No, you are ignoring me. How many messages have I sent you over the last year? I know you have a boyfriend. I’m not about to stir trouble but what’s the harm in joining me for a drink, seeing as we’re both here, and catching up? We can be friends right?” He pulled up a bar stool next to his and cautiously I sat down.  “So, how’s things princess? Everyone still calls you that right?”
I gulped hard.

We chatted for about 20 minutes and then I made my excuses and left. He sent me a message later that night on Facebook. He told me that it was good to see me and we should go for a coffee some time. I ignored it and deleted it.

So now it’s April 2012. And I’m single.  It’s exactly 3 years since we first met. Men have come and gone and yet he remains. There are casual messages going back and forth and while all my friends are warning me against him, I can’t help but want to see him again. I know I’ll never have 2010 back when it was all just a bit of fun and we both knew where each other stood but is there any harm in dinner and having a proper catch up? In November, I barely said a word as I felt as guilty as hell just being in the same room as him, let alone, letting him buy me a drink. When it coems to Peaches, my guard is up and rightfully so. We got far too close before he went away and I’ve vowed that I won’t let a man get to me like that again.

I guess I need to take a step back and evaluate things. This is Peaches. Not just some random guy. This is a man who I’ve screamed at, cried on and rubbed his back while he threw up in his toilet. We know each other inside out and back to front. We stalk each other on Facebook and ask mutual friends how the other is doing. He was man enough to take a backseat while I was dating someone else and watched from a distance without any sort of intentional interference. If he has enough respect to leave me be and get on with life, then maybe I should show him enough respect to accept his offer to dinner.

AHHHH… HELP!